Reparenting Yourself: A Guide to Healing the Gaps from Your Youth
- Jacquella Hunter
- Apr 18, 2023
- 3 min read
Hey there, beautiful soul! Have you ever found yourself yearning for the nurturing and guidance that your parents may not have been able to provide?
A little bit about My Story
I feel you, Love! Growing up, my parents' divorce had a profound impact on my upbringing. As the second oldest of three girls at the time, my mother had to navigate being a single parent, which was no easy feat. Although she did the best she could, her emotional unavailability, poor coping mechanisms and verbal abuse left me feeling emotionally codependent and struggling to form healthy relationships. On top of that, I had deep abandonment issues after my Dad left.
I grew up feeling like something was missing, like there were gaps in my upbringing that needed to be filled. That's when I discovered re-parenting, and it changed my life. Re-parenting is the beautiful and transformative process of nurturing and healing yourself, filling in those gaps that your parents may have left unfilled. It's not always an easy journey, but it's incredibly rewarding and necessary for our healing.
In my blog post, I'll share six signs that you should begin reparenting yourself today, along with some practical tips to get started. Join me on this journey of healing and growth as we explore the transformative power of reparenting. Let's fill those gaps together and embrace the beautiful, whole, and healed individuals that we were meant to be.
1. You Lack Patience
One of the most common signs that you need to re-parent yourself is a lack of patience. If you find yourself getting frustrated easily, feeling overwhelmed or anxious when things don't go as planned, or struggling to focus on tasks, it might be a sign that you need to work on developing more patience.
To start, try setting small goals for yourself, such as taking a few deep breaths before responding to a stressful situation or practicing mindfulness meditation for a few minutes each day. A great technique that I like to use is counting in my mind before responding to a certain situation. For example, if I feel as if my daughter is not moving quickly enough to complete a task, I count to myself to reflect on how long it is actually taking her to compete the task. Often times, her pace is just fine and I find that I was being impatient and impulsive. Remember to be kind and compassionate with yourself, and celebrate your progress along the way.
2. You constantly seek validation and approval
Another sign that you might need to re-parent yourself is a constant need for validation and approval from others. This can manifest as seeking praise or recognition for your achievements, struggling with imposter syndrome, or feeling anxious or insecure in social situations. If you find yourself constantly comparing and contrasting yourself against your peers or others, you probably should take some time to begin your reparenting journey.
To start, try practicing self-validation and self-compassion. Affirm yourself, Beauty! Affirmations may not feel natural in the beginning, but stick with it! You will begin to actually embody the words that you are saying. Acknowledge your accomplishments and strengths, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Work on developing a strong sense of self-esteem, and seek out supportive relationships that value and respect you for who you are. Also, trust yourself. You have an intuition that is there to help you succeed. The more you begin to trust your gut, the stronger your self trust will grow.
3. You struggle with emotional regulation and expression
If you find yourself struggling to regulate your emotions or express them in healthy ways, it might be a sign that you need to re-parent yourself. This can manifest as feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions, struggling to communicate effectively with others, or engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse or self-harm.
To start, try practicing emotional regulation techniques such as deep breathing, journaling, or mindfulness meditation. Often times, resetting your mind with 10 deep diaphragm breathes can reset you sympathetic nervous system and calm your mind and body. Cognitive reframing, or changing the story that you are telling yourself, is a game changer for emotional regulation. For example, If I think that my husband is ignoring me, it serves me better to tell myself "Maybe he didn't hear me, let me move closer or repeat what I said". You have more control of your emotions that what we realize at times. Seek out professional support from a coach, therapist, or counselor if needed, and work on developing healthy coping mechanisms that allow you to express your emotions in constructive ways.
4. You don't show compassion when mistakes occur
If you tend to be harsh and critical of yourself or others when mistakes are made, it might be a sign that you need to re-parent yourself. This can manifest as negative self-talk, perfectionism, or a fear of failure.
To start, try practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Acknowledge that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process, and focus on the lessons you can learn from your experiences rather than dwelling on the negative. The moment that you give yourself permission to make a mistake your will lift a large weight off of your shoulders. The pressure to get everything "right" all the time robs us of our ability to experience the essence of growth. Life is about experiencing and growing from our experiences. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself, and celebrate your successes along the way.
5. You find yourself in a constant cycle of people-pleasing.
If you tend to prioritize the needs and opinions of others over your own, it might be a sign that you need to re-parent yourself. This can manifest as difficulty setting boundaries, feeling guilty when you say no, or struggling to make decisions that align with your values and goals. You may also feel compelled to overextend yourself for the benefit of others.
To start, try practicing assertiveness and boundary-setting. Do not get boundaries confused with preferences. A boundary is a non-negotiable, where a preference is an ideal circumstance that makes you feel more comfortable. Just because a situation is unideal, does not mean that a boundary is being crossed. Identify your needs and priorities, and communicate them clearly and respectfully to others. Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being, and seek out supportive relationships that respect and value your needs and boundaries. Another important thing to remember is it is okay if everyone does not like you or your boundaries. Boundaries are a protective mechanism for you, not other people. They are in place to be respected, not liked.
6. Your self-talk is always harsh and critical of your actions
If you tend to be overly self-critical or negative in your self-talk, it might be a sign that you need to re-parent yourself. This kind of torture can feel like someone is constantly standing over your should waiting to criticize your every move. Typically when we are over corrected as a child, it can lead to the development of negative core beliefs about yourself.
To start, take some time to identify your strengths. Write down a few things that you do really well and hon in on those things. Take some time to be mindful and analyze your thoughts. If can realize when you are having self negative thoughts you can begin to dig through the mess and get to the root of why you feel the way that you do. Revisit and redevelop the standards that you have for yourself. Although there is nothing wrong with having high standards, there can be a fine line between high and unrealistic. Set your standards with the intentions of serving your, not with the intention to tear you down. Journal your findings. Often times, when we get our thoughts and ideas out of our head, we can see them in a different light.
Summary
In summary, realizing that there are some gaps and you should begin your reparenting journey to help you heal into your higher self is the first step. Although the journey can be difficult at times, the process is so worth it. As you begin to heal, you give yourself permission to accept, grow, and be happy. The key to a healthy healed life is introspection and self reflection. Take some time throughout your day to focus intentionally on your actions and how often your find yourself exhibiting one or many of these six signs, You've go this, girl!
I want to hear from you!
Does any of this sound familiar to you? I would love to hear your story, feel free to comment below. Also, comment below and let me know how these tips and insights helped you. What are some tools that you have developed to help you on your reparenting journey? What are more topics that you would like for me to post about. Let me know down in the comments. Be sure to share this with two of your friends that can benefit from beginning their healing journey!
Until next time, much Love, Peace, Light, Joy, and HEALING!
-Quella
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Disclaimer: The information contained in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional advice. While the author has made every attempt to ensure that the information contained in this blog post is accurate and up to date, no guarantee is given as to the accuracy or completeness of the information provided. The author and publisher of this blog post shall in no event be held liable to any part for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental, or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from any use of this material, which is provided as is, and without warranties.
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